Loving

I honestly believe that all your hurts, wounds, scars, fears, etc all surface when you aim to love someone. An endearing love is risky. Jesus' love for us was risky. It's all investment with possibly no reward.. It's that exposure, that vulnerability that creates this defense or this need for security in places where love does not allow for it. Loving someone can bring pride into the heart to cushion the impact of rejection. Likewise the need to have several "interests" instead of one. One is too risky, too much, too hurtful... I think that all of us have this wound in their heart. Past relationships with friends, family, the opposite sex has brought us to a place of brokenness. We do a great job of covering that dearth of security that the Lord provides-we lack the persistence to fully submerge ourselves in the relentless love of the Lord.

I look more and more and realize that everything has become so inconsistent, temporary which is completely contrary to the undying, unchanging-ness that Jesus brings. His love never fails. It was shown in the past and it resonates with our hearts still today. I lack the knowledge or the heart or the relationship to express the value of that man's life. I read recently that people used kindness in its root language as a way of describing something that is good for us. They used kindness to describe food that was useful... This whole time, I've been reflecting on the kindness of the Lord as one that is good.... but never good for me-It's a practical life application. It's the remedy for the now, the remedy for the hurt and the pain. It does not only apply in abstract terms but it can truly bring healing and restoration to the broken heart. The kindness that proclaimed the Son of God as a servant to die on a tree... that kindness is the very essence that holds us up still today; or at least it should be... But we fall into this routine of believing this kindness that composes the very recesses of our heart is found in temporary things.

It's almost as if we need it so bad that we have to get it... or else... And where else except the thing right in front of you. The computer, the sport, the girl/boy, the addiction... It's so immediate... it never fully satisfies. And that lack of wholeness leaves us in a deeper pit, craving more. And instead of turning to this God that declares "LOOK THERE IS FREEDOM IN THIS PLACE! COME BACK TO THE SHADOW OF MY WINGS!", we go back to the place in which we are desperately trying to escape. The very echo of our heart we turn a deaf ear to and instead decide to blot out the underlying hurt and pain...

It's a world of compromise, a world that will always fail... In the midst of this, one option exists. I truly believe that the Father and the Son make this complete picture; it's not about going against them. Rather, it's about this divine intervention, this inviting into the side that always prevails, never changes and always endures... And I want to accept this invitation everytime I fall back into a place in which I must receive it again.

And invitation for eternity... with a promise that He will never hurt you... a promise that He will never fail you... A promise that his love will always, always fulfill the deepest desires of your heart.... and an invitation to love others the very same way-a risky love without chains or pains...


God I want to love like you... Won't I accept this invitation to come to the cross to find healing for this broken soul? I have walked on thin glass, hoping not to get cut up by this world. I've been okay so far but it's only a matter of time before I fail to avoid the hurts. I want to commit my heart to loving You and Your people.. Yet past rejections, past avoidances, past thoughts, and sins have kept my heart weighed down... I long to move...Yet I lack... Won't you show me? Wouldn't you show me what risky love feels like? What the "risk" really is? I've spead my heart too thin before... I want my heart to be fulfilled and for it to overflow so that may never happen again... Everytime I create an idol that is prioritized before you, regardless of whether it is tangible, won't you crush it? Won't you be my soul's craving? Won't your kindness become something that is applicable in my life? Become my beloved... please... Show me how this can be done... I'll be waiting and praying...