It has to be you
It has to be you
I've stolen your right
To be king...
It has to be you
It has to be you
That will bring us back
And heal all the brokenness inside
This prideful heart
This longing to save
Was paid for at the cross that day
And so I fall once again
It has to be you
It has to be you
You came for us
You came for me
You came to die
So I can be free
It has to be you
It has to be you
The one with love
And not obligation
It has to be you
It has to be you
the humble Savior
the merciful Lord
This calloused heart
This turning away
Will be reconciled
And broken and found at your feet again
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Anticipation
I'm still waiting for those pesky college letters. Everyday is based around the anticipation of those precious things. And everyday it does not arrive while others get their letters makes me feel skeptical as to whether I indeed got in. But when I gave this uncertainty up to the Lord, He filled me with security by telling me that "He'll be with me where ever I go". And although I might get rejected to a variety of places, I only need one school to give me a chance!!!!
And I have to wonder, the very God, cloaked in majesty has something great he wants to accomplish through me. I feel as though Jesus will go to college with me because He didn't have the experience 2000 years ago. I feel good. I expect a lot. Until the fog has cleared, I'll remain faithful that Jesus will take me to a good place. :]
And I have to wonder, the very God, cloaked in majesty has something great he wants to accomplish through me. I feel as though Jesus will go to college with me because He didn't have the experience 2000 years ago. I feel good. I expect a lot. Until the fog has cleared, I'll remain faithful that Jesus will take me to a good place. :]
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
An Essay Inspired By the Lost
I wrote this essay after the experience for an Asian-American Scholarship.
Sorry it's raw but isn't the situation as well?
I saw it all tonight. An entire life of hurts and pains; loneliness and rebellion stood before me today at the local boba shop. Caught in our headlights, looking in, she waved and smiled and I was the one to look like the deer--lost, confused, and scared.
She was an old acquaintance, one who graduated a year earlier with a GED to escape the pressures of high school. We were never too friendly nor were we ever close. You see, I was trying to find my own self in the clutter of expectations. I did not have time for her; she could take care of herself. As I did my initial scan to see if she had changed, I saw her hands shuffling a box of cigarettes. Her cigarettes going in and out, in and out from her pocket, drew attention to the reality of the Asian-American culture.
It is a sad reality when high school becomes a test of the fittest in which there is a diving point of doctors, lawyers, and politicians and drug dependent partiers. Huge expectations with constant nagging about success defined by monetary gains probably are the culprits. I don't blame the parents though. Most can't read and have built their lives on their backs. They have done laborioius work; the kind that they don't want us to ever do. They have sacrified their lives for ours and it would be a waste if we repeated the cycle. But during tonight's encounter, these thoughts did not process in my mind.
First I thought it was a waste, and then I realized she still has so much life to live, only to get frustrated at the negatives stresses that had created the person speaking to me. And although I am usually awkward around smokers, I felt as ease knowing that past her supposed image of maturity was an innocent soul with youthful compassion and joy. She told me that she was balancing partying with more studying as if that was an implicit way of saying that she was better off. I could care less about the increase in logged studying time. But she continued to say that if she is going to continue to study hard, she would party hard. And right then i wanted to give her a hug, revealing to her my deepest desires for her to believe that she does not have to live up to the expectations of her parent's anymore, possibly revealing that her idealistic act of rebellion symbolized by broken bottles and hills of ash could not free her.
She questioned me about my future. I told her my future will be one of a pastor. She looked down, disappointed. After all she is a pastor's child, one who strugged as her father's finances never allowed her to live comfortably. She warned me to look elsewhere. My ears were hearing discouragements but my eyes were seeing nothing but encouragements. I saw that my life can be a direct impact for her and for all those that represent the desperate outcasts of the Asian-American way.
As I entered my friend's car to leave, a friend in the back seat told me that my occupation with the cigarettes had created an awkward environment. However, I was occupied with more. I realized that the very essence of this boom or bust cycle has to change. I saw that if I could not become a person with life-changing abilities, my very people would continue to be stuck in the same cycle: a cycle in which broken children become broken adults who nurture broken children.
My friend dropped me off at my car. My car had been parked in the parking lot of my church- a Korean church. Right there I realized the severity of the divide. I was at chuch while she was smoking and loitering in a parking lot. And even though we were miles apart, my acquaintance at the boba shop reaffirmed that I'm here to help heal the broken and to cloes the gap that has been created by an Asian-American culture of pressure. And as I drove off, I promised myself that I will never look like a deer-in-headlights again.
Sorry it's raw but isn't the situation as well?
I saw it all tonight. An entire life of hurts and pains; loneliness and rebellion stood before me today at the local boba shop. Caught in our headlights, looking in, she waved and smiled and I was the one to look like the deer--lost, confused, and scared.
She was an old acquaintance, one who graduated a year earlier with a GED to escape the pressures of high school. We were never too friendly nor were we ever close. You see, I was trying to find my own self in the clutter of expectations. I did not have time for her; she could take care of herself. As I did my initial scan to see if she had changed, I saw her hands shuffling a box of cigarettes. Her cigarettes going in and out, in and out from her pocket, drew attention to the reality of the Asian-American culture.
It is a sad reality when high school becomes a test of the fittest in which there is a diving point of doctors, lawyers, and politicians and drug dependent partiers. Huge expectations with constant nagging about success defined by monetary gains probably are the culprits. I don't blame the parents though. Most can't read and have built their lives on their backs. They have done laborioius work; the kind that they don't want us to ever do. They have sacrified their lives for ours and it would be a waste if we repeated the cycle. But during tonight's encounter, these thoughts did not process in my mind.
First I thought it was a waste, and then I realized she still has so much life to live, only to get frustrated at the negatives stresses that had created the person speaking to me. And although I am usually awkward around smokers, I felt as ease knowing that past her supposed image of maturity was an innocent soul with youthful compassion and joy. She told me that she was balancing partying with more studying as if that was an implicit way of saying that she was better off. I could care less about the increase in logged studying time. But she continued to say that if she is going to continue to study hard, she would party hard. And right then i wanted to give her a hug, revealing to her my deepest desires for her to believe that she does not have to live up to the expectations of her parent's anymore, possibly revealing that her idealistic act of rebellion symbolized by broken bottles and hills of ash could not free her.
She questioned me about my future. I told her my future will be one of a pastor. She looked down, disappointed. After all she is a pastor's child, one who strugged as her father's finances never allowed her to live comfortably. She warned me to look elsewhere. My ears were hearing discouragements but my eyes were seeing nothing but encouragements. I saw that my life can be a direct impact for her and for all those that represent the desperate outcasts of the Asian-American way.
As I entered my friend's car to leave, a friend in the back seat told me that my occupation with the cigarettes had created an awkward environment. However, I was occupied with more. I realized that the very essence of this boom or bust cycle has to change. I saw that if I could not become a person with life-changing abilities, my very people would continue to be stuck in the same cycle: a cycle in which broken children become broken adults who nurture broken children.
My friend dropped me off at my car. My car had been parked in the parking lot of my church- a Korean church. Right there I realized the severity of the divide. I was at chuch while she was smoking and loitering in a parking lot. And even though we were miles apart, my acquaintance at the boba shop reaffirmed that I'm here to help heal the broken and to cloes the gap that has been created by an Asian-American culture of pressure. And as I drove off, I promised myself that I will never look like a deer-in-headlights again.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Narrow Doors
This is a complete vent. I'm particularly upset about slanders, evil-mouthed representations of "Christ". Words that do not edify, are sinful. And certainly, my heart can only take so much of it before I want to yell words of rebuke and conviction. And presumably, everyone already knows where these malicious tongues lie, even within the youth group. These tongues speak loud, but without any meaning or significance. And it's a rather notorious reputation of being a stark contrast of Jesus' ministry of grace and reconciliation.
And I wish words would only get to the people who use words as their sword and shield rather than Jesus. But sadly, their hypocrisy leads them to death. It's certainly different if one struggles with sin but acknowledges it is a struggle they must triumph over from if one simply passes over the righteous indignation of the Lord to rip apart a person. Words are a direct link to one's heart. It's an overflow. And in these hearts lie brokenness that has not truly grasped the essence of Christ's love and realized the true significance of forgiveness. Instead these hearts rot and will continue to rot as the owner allows for fuel to be fed every time they speak.
It's a sad realization, really. I was speaking to Ray and about how many people die without truly experiencing Jesus reshape them and make them whole. And the statistic says that 33% of the population are Christians but how many are truly, living and praising Him because they know their loved by the King? Or is it simply an upbringing, a social outlet. It's a sad realization. During our conversation, we realized that we have pocket A's in terms of evangelizing and bringing people to salvation. But we aren't playing these right. In fact, were screwing up everything. I think it's because the church is so divided. The lukewarm has become obnoxiously dangerous. And I mean obnoxiously as in they devastate the momentum of the church by creating a juxtaposition of a person dwelling in the world while also admitting that they are "of Christ". This jams the ministry, makes it constipated. All efforts become futile and every ounce of effort can be stunted with someone's lukewarmness. They certainly do not go quietly.
People opt to stop. Their relationship with the Lord isn't something that is a challenge, a goal, or a destination. It's a medicinal cabinet that can be used anytime something seems to stir unfortunate circumstances in their lives. Truly, truly, what a shame. If the road has ended, the only way to go is to turn back. Somewhere during this walk, they have taken the wrong turn and have ended at a road block. They have now this long process of walking backwards. But even that is beautiful, that means there is realization, hunger, and progress. But many opt to sit, complacently at the end.
And even out of the 33%, many will not make it. The kingdom of God is very, very narrow indeed.
Mark 10: 17-27
As Jesus started to leave, a man ran to him and fell on his knees before Jesus. The man asked, "Good teacher, what must I do to have life forever?"
Jesus answered, "Why do you call me good? Only God is good. You know the commands. 'You must not murder anyone. You must not be guilty of adultery. You must not steal. You must not tell lies about your neighbor. You must not cheat. Honor your father and mother.'"
The man said, "Teacher, I have obeyed all these things since I was a boy."
Jesus, looking at the man, loved him and said, "There is one more thing you need to do. Go and sell everything you have, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come and follow me."
He was very sad to hear Jesus say this, and he left sorrowfully, because he was rich.
Then Jesus looked at his followers and said, "How hard it will be for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!"
The followers were amazed at what jesus said. But he said again, "My children, it is very hard to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God."
The followers were even more surprised and said to each other, "Then who can be saved?"
Jesus looked at them and said, "For people this is impossible, but for God all things are possible."
Life forever....
So we are talking about entering the kingdom of heaven.
Obeyed all these things....
We thought we have reached the pinnacle of righteousness, we believe that we have earned salvation through works. Frankly, this is where the road ends for a person who believes this way.
loved...one...
Jesus loved his efforts but certainly there was more... There always will be more. We cannot be perfect, even though we believe we can be. Thus, this shows our journey is endless.
He left sorrowfully....
This is the rejection of the Lord's command, the final act of defiance.
How hard...to enter the Kingdom of God....
Our sinful nature and our unwillingness to offer it to God for him to take care of you leads us to rejection from God. Certainly this does not mean we cannot sin but rather that our pride and our blindness and deafness to the call of God to change and offer everything to Him in return leads us to rejection.
Of course, God writes that He will save us. So therefore, all that Jesus has stated about our efforts is useless. Only God can do the impossible.
But I see some importance to this. This act of defiance certainly does not make Jesus happy. This clinging on to that of which is part of the world makes his stomach churn. He will save you, but certainly his salvation is tested. The death on the cross is that much more painful as he knows and believes that it will not be fully utilized for complete sanctification. He knows your road and His road will never meet completely.
And that is a sad, sad reality for the loving Father...
Some day every tongue will confess you are God
One day every knee will bow
Still the GREATEST TREASURE remains for
THOSE WHO GLADLY CHOOSE YOU NOW.
And I wish words would only get to the people who use words as their sword and shield rather than Jesus. But sadly, their hypocrisy leads them to death. It's certainly different if one struggles with sin but acknowledges it is a struggle they must triumph over from if one simply passes over the righteous indignation of the Lord to rip apart a person. Words are a direct link to one's heart. It's an overflow. And in these hearts lie brokenness that has not truly grasped the essence of Christ's love and realized the true significance of forgiveness. Instead these hearts rot and will continue to rot as the owner allows for fuel to be fed every time they speak.
It's a sad realization, really. I was speaking to Ray and about how many people die without truly experiencing Jesus reshape them and make them whole. And the statistic says that 33% of the population are Christians but how many are truly, living and praising Him because they know their loved by the King? Or is it simply an upbringing, a social outlet. It's a sad realization. During our conversation, we realized that we have pocket A's in terms of evangelizing and bringing people to salvation. But we aren't playing these right. In fact, were screwing up everything. I think it's because the church is so divided. The lukewarm has become obnoxiously dangerous. And I mean obnoxiously as in they devastate the momentum of the church by creating a juxtaposition of a person dwelling in the world while also admitting that they are "of Christ". This jams the ministry, makes it constipated. All efforts become futile and every ounce of effort can be stunted with someone's lukewarmness. They certainly do not go quietly.
People opt to stop. Their relationship with the Lord isn't something that is a challenge, a goal, or a destination. It's a medicinal cabinet that can be used anytime something seems to stir unfortunate circumstances in their lives. Truly, truly, what a shame. If the road has ended, the only way to go is to turn back. Somewhere during this walk, they have taken the wrong turn and have ended at a road block. They have now this long process of walking backwards. But even that is beautiful, that means there is realization, hunger, and progress. But many opt to sit, complacently at the end.
And even out of the 33%, many will not make it. The kingdom of God is very, very narrow indeed.
Mark 10: 17-27
As Jesus started to leave, a man ran to him and fell on his knees before Jesus. The man asked, "Good teacher, what must I do to have life forever?"
Jesus answered, "Why do you call me good? Only God is good. You know the commands. 'You must not murder anyone. You must not be guilty of adultery. You must not steal. You must not tell lies about your neighbor. You must not cheat. Honor your father and mother.'"
The man said, "Teacher, I have obeyed all these things since I was a boy."
Jesus, looking at the man, loved him and said, "There is one more thing you need to do. Go and sell everything you have, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come and follow me."
He was very sad to hear Jesus say this, and he left sorrowfully, because he was rich.
Then Jesus looked at his followers and said, "How hard it will be for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!"
The followers were amazed at what jesus said. But he said again, "My children, it is very hard to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God."
The followers were even more surprised and said to each other, "Then who can be saved?"
Jesus looked at them and said, "For people this is impossible, but for God all things are possible."
Life forever....
So we are talking about entering the kingdom of heaven.
Obeyed all these things....
We thought we have reached the pinnacle of righteousness, we believe that we have earned salvation through works. Frankly, this is where the road ends for a person who believes this way.
loved...one...
Jesus loved his efforts but certainly there was more... There always will be more. We cannot be perfect, even though we believe we can be. Thus, this shows our journey is endless.
He left sorrowfully....
This is the rejection of the Lord's command, the final act of defiance.
How hard...to enter the Kingdom of God....
Our sinful nature and our unwillingness to offer it to God for him to take care of you leads us to rejection from God. Certainly this does not mean we cannot sin but rather that our pride and our blindness and deafness to the call of God to change and offer everything to Him in return leads us to rejection.
Of course, God writes that He will save us. So therefore, all that Jesus has stated about our efforts is useless. Only God can do the impossible.
But I see some importance to this. This act of defiance certainly does not make Jesus happy. This clinging on to that of which is part of the world makes his stomach churn. He will save you, but certainly his salvation is tested. The death on the cross is that much more painful as he knows and believes that it will not be fully utilized for complete sanctification. He knows your road and His road will never meet completely.
And that is a sad, sad reality for the loving Father...
Some day every tongue will confess you are God
One day every knee will bow
Still the GREATEST TREASURE remains for
THOSE WHO GLADLY CHOOSE YOU NOW.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Power
Every person has a power trip. I know I did. It was necessary for my well-being that I had power. I sought power in my sphere of influence to help my confidence and self-worth. Power. There is nothing like it. But when Jesus tells us to deny ourselves to follow Him, He obviously orders us to leave our interpretation of power and to follow His example of it.
Jesus had power. He could have done whatever He wanted and His Father in heaven would have sent all the angels and more to do whatever He willed.
But power does not necessarily mean strength. It's not about political influence nor is it about wealth. You see, the very essence of the power that Jesus had is the POWER to impact. The power to change, the power to create influential relationships that shed light to the glory and the saving grace of God.
I've made it my life goal to stop living for myself and to start living for others. But this cannot happen until I shed my former self and to be sanctified into a new body made holy in Christ. Until then my relationships have no power to bring revelation or conviction. Rather it's another relationship from and of the world--meaningless and shallow. But when I become a vessel for God's work, He creates impacting relationships in which I become a direct mouthpiece. I will be able to carry the burden of the lost and broken and guide them into a place of healing and surrender.
And even without this critical understanding of power, God has anointed us with a sphere of influence within our lives. We have a direct relationship with family, friends, small groups, sports teams, work, etc in which we can influence and direct people to a way of salvation.
So how are we going to leverage our power? We have so many people who need directing, a shepherd who understands their circumstances. We can be someone that brings these people back to Jesus or we can play god.
Caiaphas, the high priest of the time, aims to play god who creates a plot to kill Jesus (John 11:53) We can be with Him or against Him and when we realize our sphere of influence without any humility or how it is a gift that should not be abused, we not only lead ourselves astray but lead others to damnation.
Scary....
You and I have so much. How are you using it? Leverage for God's glory because His gift must be used to be a gift back to Him.
Jesus had power. He could have done whatever He wanted and His Father in heaven would have sent all the angels and more to do whatever He willed.
But power does not necessarily mean strength. It's not about political influence nor is it about wealth. You see, the very essence of the power that Jesus had is the POWER to impact. The power to change, the power to create influential relationships that shed light to the glory and the saving grace of God.
I've made it my life goal to stop living for myself and to start living for others. But this cannot happen until I shed my former self and to be sanctified into a new body made holy in Christ. Until then my relationships have no power to bring revelation or conviction. Rather it's another relationship from and of the world--meaningless and shallow. But when I become a vessel for God's work, He creates impacting relationships in which I become a direct mouthpiece. I will be able to carry the burden of the lost and broken and guide them into a place of healing and surrender.
And even without this critical understanding of power, God has anointed us with a sphere of influence within our lives. We have a direct relationship with family, friends, small groups, sports teams, work, etc in which we can influence and direct people to a way of salvation.
So how are we going to leverage our power? We have so many people who need directing, a shepherd who understands their circumstances. We can be someone that brings these people back to Jesus or we can play god.
Caiaphas, the high priest of the time, aims to play god who creates a plot to kill Jesus (John 11:53) We can be with Him or against Him and when we realize our sphere of influence without any humility or how it is a gift that should not be abused, we not only lead ourselves astray but lead others to damnation.
Scary....
You and I have so much. How are you using it? Leverage for God's glory because His gift must be used to be a gift back to Him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)