Failure

The world will fail you. Isn't that a freaking surprise...... So today I was looking at the back of the A Collision CD by David Crowder. And behind it, it said "When our depravity meets His divinity it is a beautiful collision". I was like wow that is so cool. But you know what? THE CHURCH HAS FALLEN from that beautiful collision. It isn't about how our depravity is saved anymore. Somehow His living salvation is less than it was supposed to be. Who are we to place a value on Christ's sacrifice. And here we are saying were building up the church, loving and serving Him and yet settling for a love that isn't quite what Jesus was looking for when He died on the cross.
I'm not trying to stereotype us but aren't 99% of Christians living in a life where they are just secular with a "Christian" label on it? Or maybe were just Christians when we feel like it or when "He's meeting with us". Much like if your a football player, you're not one when you feel like running or hitting or lifting weights. You live that lifestyle;You make your life resemble what that certain lifestyle stands for. SAME THING for Christians. If we are to be a generation of people who want to change the church and bring revival which I think this is certainly the generation, WE HAVE TO LEAVE THE FREAKING WORLD!

The world and its depravity has stripped the beauty of everything that was supposed to be beautiful. Marriage, the church, family, etc. You name it, its broken. SOOOO in a broken world with corruption lying on the side of the road shouldn't we just be clinging on to Jesus? Aren't we the most indebted people ever created? If Christians aren't going to start living for Jesus, WHO WILL?!?!?

I just came back from the most testosterone filled scene I've been in for awhile now. And quite frankly, I was disgusted. I was disgusted to the point of wanting to punch a wall. Because relationships get complicated and even in the mist of God's people, we fail and we compromise our integrity. I'm sick of this. I honestly am so pissed at what the world has made of the once beautiful creation that I hate.... I HATE living like what I am. God, PLEASE never let me go back. And I'm starting to wonder if God looks down everyday at the close to 7 billion people and just wants to pull his HOLY HAIR out because we just complain about the pettiest things and because we complicate things that shouldn't be complicated.

Ray put up a good point. Christian relationships are complicated especially with the opposite sex. And quite frankly, I was skeptical but now I'm sure. Yes they are. They're should be so much beauty in it but guess what? our brokenness comes into effect and all our sins, doubts, lies, insecurities, yadyadayada destroy God's creation. But you know what? I still think God lives through that. He still prevails. He is strong when we are weak. We say were focused on Him when we are not. We say that we can't hear Him while He is screaming. Sorry people but I honestly am frustrated that Jesus has become something for our convenience and for our agendas.

"Sorry Jesus but I have a problem that is too big for you"
or
"Sorry Jesus but I know that I just said I'll love you for ever but right now, I'm in a complicated relational mess that is quite frankly, more important than you"

ARE YOU SERIOUS? WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN A RELATIONSHIP THAT NEVER FAILS OR NEVER QUITS OR IS WITH YOU EVERY SECOND, EVERY MINUTE, EVERY HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If we're all scared about losing our parents, grandparents, girlfriends, boyfriends, friends, we shouldn't be. Because they'll honestly die and go to heaven or their respective places. They'll hate you sometimes or they'll get mad. They might even divorce you or hate you forever or backstab you. BUT GUESS WHAT? GOD WON'T. And if you have something to cry about or get scared of it is this: God can leave you any moment. He can throw you aside. The love that will take care of you even after you had disregarded Him and made Him your secondary priority once again can be gone in one blinding moment. That is what you should be scared of. The complete love of the world that we so desperately yearn for and need to sustain our lives can be no more. And often times we settle for tangible but yet fleeting, temporary things and the stripping of all the wealth and fame and power and lust, etc cannot be juxtaposed with the stripping of God's love from you.

But here is the beauty.... He won't. More like He can't. He just loves you that freaking much. And at the end of the day, can you ask yourself, AM I DESERVING OF THAT LOVE?
NO? Than why not...? Where did I go wrong and where do I have to change?

Revelations says that God will spit out the lukewarm. And even those that periodically have qt's and have daily devotionals or have prayers but fail to even put up a fight against their brokeness is included. I'm included.

Revelations 2:4-5
But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first; OR ELSE I AM COMING TO YOU AND WILL REMOVE YOUR LAMPSTAND OUT OF ITS PLACE- unless you repent.

The church is run by a bunch of lukewarmers instead of people on fire for God. And this is where the church collapses because we can't comprehend the language of holiness that God tries to speak into our collective ministries because we are dwelling in our sins and so we turn blind and deaf to God's direct voice. Sorry, I'm being cynical but the church has to change and some eyes have to be opened. I'm bitter towards the church. It's great that we stand for Jesus but are we doing an accurate representation of Him? Most likely not. And here we are completely content with it.... Why isn't someone standing up and speaking about the UGH-ness of the church. Why aren't we so dissatisfied with our own contentment that we scream out in frustration?

Jesus is appealing to everyone: rich, white, black, poor, fat, skinny, asian, EVERYONE!
But when His divinity meshes with our brokenness that represents the church, it becomes something so skewed and deformed, we don't even know if its Jesus anymore.

When Jesus says lose your life to find it, he means it literally. You have to leave EVERYTHING to get there. Sorry past life, your precisely that, the PAST life. So the world that we have dwelled in and we have come to know and enjoy we have to give it the biggest kick in the rear and start running towards Jesus. It couldn't be more complicated than that.


But even while I mention the stupidness, the brokenness, the depravity, the lousiness, the nastiness, the badness of God's people, in the end, all I have to say is this to end my long rant.

Still, God loves us.

Let that sink in. You probably didn't notice because He was 2nd in your life, maybe even 3rd. But when we notice the extent of all that we did and are yet to do, how can we forget?



DEVIL I WILL OVERCOME YOU. YOU DON'T HAVE AUTHORITY OVER ME. I HONESTLY HATE THE FACT THAT I LIVE IN A WORLD THAT IS FULL OF GODLESSNESS. I AM FUELED WITH RAGE AGAINST SIN TO PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT GOODNESS DOES EXIST. AND EVERYONE CAN DO IT WITH THE INDEBTEDNESS WE FEEL TOWARDS JESUS. I WILL OVERCOME LUST, GREED, PRIDE, JEALOUSY, ANGER, LAZINESS all in the NAME OF JESUS because otherwise, I have demoted His sacrified; gave it a value; made it my convenience.

I'm pissed. Honestly pissed. I'm living with a grudge against satan now. I will bring light into His people. I won't be satisfied until I do.


PEOPLE! LIVE LIKE A PEOPLE REDEEMED!


In my precious lover, redeemer, healer's name I pray AMEN......

What if your life could have meaning beyond just your area of influence? What if your faith could affect another's and could change their life forever? What if your relationship with Jesus had more to do with another's life than your own. Wouldn't the weight and burden of the people that you're "theoretically" small relationship fuel you to become more than what you are right now? Think about it, there are 6.8 billion people right now and you are just one of them. Don't you think that someone out there is in the exact circumstances as you without the love of Jesus? What if your testimony could impact their life and bring them to salvation? You live in a world that dies and falls apart more everyday, especially the culture in America. So here I stand trying to live for Jesus but I fail, often leaving me without a sense of change or redemption. I have been saved so why can't I live like it? Could I excuse my sinful life by saying that it is inevitable because I'm forever a sinner? No way! Come to a place where sin is hateful in your life. Guilt can be good, it can be a reality check that you need to change. But often times this conviction flys by without change, often shallowly asking God for forgiveness. What is conviction without change? We as a new generation of Christians need to change our mindset of being fallen people to being people of God. We are called to a higher place than the world. It isn't easy. We weren't borned saved. We had to live our lives dwelling in sin to be reminded of salvation. But our bad habits often carry on into our walk with the Lord and stuns our approaching of his throne. That was it for me. Pornography, lying, contentment, laziness all of that carried on from my past. It isn't easy to overcome nor will it be defeated in a day. But with persistence in the Lord I can overcome.
This week I've been reading the book of Luke. And Jesus was something special wasn't he? There was a parable that he told about forgiving debts and how the person that had a debt of 500 is more thankful and indebted than the person that had a debt of 50 (Luke 7:41-50). Looking back at my life, looking at the step by step process of salvation I asked myself this: "Why am I not indebted to God?" You see, it wasn't just the moment of salvation. We often find ourselves thinking that salvation is a one time thing. There usually is a special moment in our lives that we remember as our salvation whether it is in a revival or retreat or conference. But as I walk with God, I realize that salvation is a living thing. Every step of my life, there is a different type of salvation. My constant sinning is a reminder that salvation is alive and moving and it isn't just stationed in one past moment. Salvation is tangible and is applicable within our own lives. So my debt is mounting. I haven't just stopped at 500 but it keeps building. So as we live our lives, shouldn't we become even more indebted to the Lord as he takes our increasing sin and continues to pay for all of it? Maybe the reason why God's death on the cross was so brutal and painful and gory. Maybe the extent of His death had something to do with correlating with the magnitude of the sin. I think He had to show the world that our sins are neverending and because of this, His pain was neverending and because of this His salvation lives forever.
His salvation is alive and it is true for everyone- even for the people unwilling to accept it. And if you haven't yet, take some time to try to understand God's heart for his people. He had a divine jealousy for His people often times leaving for years because He was so hurt. He becomes so raw and emotional and that is the God that we worship. He isn't robotic but His love is unending. And often times our faith comes to a point where we have to face the fact that He'll leave His 99 sheep to tend to His 1 strayed one. So what about us? It's scary facing persecution. There aren't many people that have an indifferent view towards God. Usually people have been hurt by the hypocrisy of the church or the threatening cultural wars the church has become so well known for. So as people of God that exists for the very purpose to expose the world to God's unending love, isn't part of our purpose in life to step out in faith despite constant persecution and show God's love to others? If you believe that God's love saves, you have to believe that it saves for the football jock or the cheerleader or even the atheist. He made my hardened heart melt and so why can't He do it for anybody else?
Lonely... very lonely... but for some reason, God has filled that void. And often times I'll say this half-heartedly, knowing that I should put "God has filled that void... for now" but this time, I've become dependent on Him. I've wallowed in "I'm lonely" for so long that I forgot that I'm supposed to do something about it. I know that this may seem harsh but were all just doggy paddling in the water. We just stay stationery. But in the Christian walk, that eventually leads to death; you just get too tired. It's either you fall and drown or you become motivated and start swimming to the shore. Two choices lead to death and are often the easiest of the 3. But one of them, the hardest, leads to life. So choose......

There's another part in Luke where a couple of disciples are walking through Samaria with Jesus. And they face persecution with Jesus because the Samaritans are unwilling to conform to the Jewish customs. And so because of this, the disciples who were previously blessed by Jesus with unimaginable gifts say this: "Lord, do you want us to tell fire to come down from heaven and consume them?"
Wow talk about not knowing Jesus. He says that He has come to save not destroy. But my main concern is this. The disciples aren't stunt doubles or made up characters. They were people just like us. And isn't this an alarming message? The disciples that had faith that they could BRING FIRE FROM THE HEAVENS were the first ones to abandon Jesus on the cross. Mana falls from heaven and seas are split and people are unfaithful. That is human nature. God against people's stubbornness and blindness. But eventually these very people were the founders of the Christian church. They died and were persecuted beyond belief. What if our generation stepped up just like they did. They weren't supernatural people- they were one of us. They failed and got back up. So can we. Do you believe we can bring fire from the heavens or snow or rain? Are we just idlly sitting here as Christians accepting everything the world throws at us or are we going to face the fact that with faith we are beyond reason, beyond the limits of this world. Do you want power? God will give you power through His glory. All it takes is your life to find it.






I choose to live for more than just me oh Lord. I pray that Your mercy will speak true in my life. I'm tired of failing and saying that I'll get back up but only half believing in your grace. Your people are hungry for you. Do you hear the cries of our hearts? WE ARE A GENERATION LONGING FOR SOMETHING TO DIE FOR! We have been created to be loved by You. So please Father open up our hearts and bring us to surrender. Let us live our lives indebted to You. Your salvation is something alive, something that doesn't stop. Our debt has mounted Father but constantly you catch us when we fall. Our hearts have become heavy with sin and the burden of guilt is too heavy for us to bear so remove this load and let us arrive at Your feet carrying Your cross with You Jesus. We want to fall in love with You, not just words but Father to the point of attachment, to the point of dedication. The type of love that brings a smile in the morning and sings us to sleep at night. We want a love that radiates and echoes whereever we go. We're tired of being complacent. We're sick of being in love with You yet seeking for more! BUT THANK YOU FOR BEING FAITHFUL EVEN WHEN WE WERENT SURE THAT WE LOVED YOU! You have died a lonely death for my sins. You have given me life beyond all compare. I want to impact lives for You oh Lord! People are yearning for the promises of Your cross. We live in a broken world but Father if you need a servant to step up and do Your will, CALL ME OH LORD! I will follow whereever you go. I'll seek You even if everything around me is dying. Bring faithfulness even in my faithlessness. I surrounded in your neverending love. I can't escape. I can't get away. So why do I keep trying? Where does my heart really belong? It belongs with You. I've tried other things to escape from my own brokenness but You don't just fill my voids but You also fix it. I'm desperate for You Jesus. I yearn for You. I can't live without You. You are my lover, my hope, even if that is kind of weird because Jesus you were a fleshy man! But you are just that awesome! Salvation is waiting for me. Will I take it?